Why Consensual Non-Monogamy

I never woke up one day magically craving an open relationship and announcing that I wanted to be non-monogamous with my partner. For a long time it wasn’t even something I was familiar with. Here and there I would kiss girls at the bar, daydream about a passionate evening with a special lady (or two!) and always thought the female body was sexually appealing – but a Swinger? No...

I found swinging through an ex. He was fairly experienced and to tell you the truth, it came naturally to me. I was in the midst of my own sexual revolution and the concept seemed attractive and intriguing. He introduced me to a group of couples who were involved in the Swinger Lifestyle (LS) and I honestly felt like for the first time, in a very long time, I was encouraged to be my sexy self. I realized one common thing that forced me to gravitate towards these people. They were real with each other, one hundred per cent themselves.

If you are in an amazing relationship I am a FIRM believer that being involved in the LS can help you reach that next level. When I became single after that relationship, I experimented a lot. With other women, men, groups, couples...sex was natural, real, and genuinely got my attention.

When James and I became a couple, we expected that things would not be the "norm". We took to the LS pretty quickly. I got turned on thinking about multiple people totally letting loose together in orgasmic ecstasy. I loved the fact that afterwards, you were still with someone who loved and cared for you and who ALSO cherished the memories of a crazy sexy night with you. I mean who wouldn’t want to try it out…at least once?

Another quality I enjoy about the LS is that you are driven to be your honest self and accept who you are. It pushes you to figure out what YOU want as well as what you don’t want. You have to learn to be ok with your body physically and accept your beauty. When you are being fucked by your boyfriend at an sex club in front of twenty or so people, you cannot be focused on what your breasts look like in some position. You have to be focused on what you two have going on together!

I have also realized that you can never judge a book by its cover. As a person, I’d like to think I have become less judgmental. Most of the couples we have met seem like everyday people you would see holding hands walking down the street. A few drinks and laughs later some pretty freaky things are going on between the four of us in some hotel room! People can be crazy sexy when you least expect it.

I don’t look back on deciding on being open to this type of lifestyle with any sense of regret. For years I believed this type of sexual discovery was only attainable by being single. I have extreme gratitude for finding someone who is not only aware of this part of me, but also accepts and encourages me (not to mention being right there with me!). If the time comes that this doesn’t work anymore, we will deal with that then. For now, we are enjoying this sexy lifestyle and very much in love!