Where Does Sexy Fit Into Your Day?
Written by Dr. Megan Fleming on Oct 3rd, 2020
HERE ARE FEW TIPS TO HELP YOU FIND YOUR SEXY!
When I set out last month to finish up my Online Program called Re-Kindle Your Desire & Bring Sexy Back I decided to do a quick survey to make sure I had my hand on the true pulse of women.
I treat women, men, and couples all the time when it comes to sex and relationships. But what I was interested in when I developed this program was reaching out to the women who go through their life, day-to-day, living life, raising kids, and focusing on a career, a home, and a husband. What are their concerns, desires, and hurdles to rekindling their desire and feeling sexy.
WHERE EXACTLY DOES FEELING DESIRABLE AND SEXY FIT INTO A DAY SO FULL OF EVERYONE ELSE?
I won’t say that I was shocked with the results that came out of the survey but seeing the statistics really made me step back and take note. I felt deep in my soul that I wanted to do something to change these statistics. It starts here by revealing these results, my thoughts and inviting you to continue the conversation with me on my private Facebook Group. I will include the information at the end of my post if you wish to join us.
The one question on the survey that I felt I needed to address first was: “What keeps you from embracing your sexuality?”
79% of the women that responded to that survey question said that time, kids, life, and work prevented them from truly enjoying their own sexuality. WOW!
Striking and not so surprising when I consider that most of the couples I see in my practice and even amongst my married friends, the most significant struggle is that modern life is so busy and hectic there’s not time for the most basic of self care much less conditions to feel connected and sexy with your spouse.
For most women, there are too many responsibilities and proverbial balls in the air, to even consider or feel it’s possible to slow down for themselves or their relationship.
Many couples I know spend only 1-2 hours a day together. It’s shocking how little time couples spend together, time that’s not about the logistics of running the house or who’s picking up the kids. Having and creating the time to connect with your spouse, play together, enjoy each others company is not something that can be a luxury, it needs to become non-negotiable for the health and growth of your marriage.
When couples have such little time together, it’s not surprising to me, nor should it be considered a sexual dysfunction to have no sense of desire. Low libido can have many causes, but when there’s no time to relax (the foundation of arousal), I think that it’s normal and makes perfect sense how you can’t imagine or feel you are going to be hot for sex when there’s been no time to connect and your reflexively on the automatic treadmill of running to do, do, do.
Take a big step back and look at your priorities. I get we all have significant responsibilities and need to pay the bills, but I think it’s bigger than that. So where does sexy fit into your day?
I ask couples to rank their priorities, kids, spirituality, husbands and community. So often for most couples, kids are at the top of that list. Part of me gets that, I have 2 of my own but I also realize that when it’s potentially you at the bottom of the list, as it was for me for a while (not getting to the gym, meeting a friend for coffee, having a date night). I was feeling overwhelmed and running on empty and from that place I realized that I didn’t have a lot to give. I was too busy to feel desire; not creating the conditions that in a normative way can lead to the experience of desire and arousal.
It’s important to recognize what’s first on your list. What if it was you? Self-care doesn’t equal selfish. We are not talking hours of time…an hour here or there to connect with yourself, a friend, your partner. These short windows of time can have a significant impact in giving you more energy and refilling your engine. Taking a step back from the automatic pilot of doing, also helps you get more clear about what you say yes and no to…what your true priorities are.
I’m inviting you if too busy, to look at what’s on your plate and how you can carve out half an hour, an hour or ideally, a few hours a week that you can savor and recharge so that you can truly be present in a moment and not busy just jumping from one activity/responsibility to the next one.
I’m willing to bet if you do, you’ll begin to notice the benefits to yourself, your relationship and your kids.
As promised…if you are interested in continuing in this conversation, join me by clicking on the Facebook Group Link and request to join us! Let’s get the conversation started about how we can bring back sexy!