The Art of Dating Smart
Written by Cheryl Besner on Oct 8th, 2018
There is a thought process for many that just because we are confident, mature and even worldly individuals, we know everything about dating and relationships. Well, we don’t! The missing component for some is competence which is only achieved through research, learning and practice.
You may be confident, you can walk a tightrope but chances are you are going to go for a tumble and fall on your butt unless you take classes and become competent!
Enter “The Art of Dating Smart”, a summit that was organized and hosted by Christine Campbell. Thirty relationship experts were gathered with one common goal in mind: How to help people move through today’s dating world and most importantly how to DATE SMART!
As someone who believes in love at any age and stage, and as my main purpose is to make LOVE happen for every single person out there, I had to jump on board to help spread the love. It’s really simple! I believe that every heart deserves a home starting with home sweet home!
As a certified IDCA coach, I have shared my experienced advice with hundreds of thousands of men and women, helping individuals reach their relationship goals, so I decided my contribution to this summit would be: “How to become your own matchmaker”; my signature four step program which helps people find their ideal match using the same process I do in professional matchmaking.
There are a lot of men and women who are confident as individuals and think that dating is a natural thing, but the reality is that many out there don’t really know how to go about dating, what to look for in a mate, what to do or not to do, especially since times have changed with “modern dating”. So many are “lost in translation” when it comes to dating, communication and how to go about finding that plus ONE. I can tell you from my clients, as well as my own experience when I was newly divorced, the struggle, or challenge as I prefer to call it, is real!!
Cheryl: “There’s a difference between being confident and being competent…if you don’t know how to date smart, the competency can really hinder…the fact is dating does not come naturally to everybody and most people especially coming out of long-term relationships…”
Christine Campbell: “This is a method to teach women all over the world, a free source to increase their love intelligence and to give them the tools to become successful in love…it’s about becoming better, savvy and intelligent in the sector …it’s not all about hope it’s about getting smart about love and win…”
Many fear rejection, getting their hearts broken, letting someone into their life, feeling vulnerable etc…But the truth is dating is like anything else in life. The more you put yourself out there, the more you get comfortable, and the more you learn about yourself, your needs, your desires and what to look for to find happiness with someone. As they say, practice makes perfect and it is important to “GO” at your own pace with the word “GO” being the key component…One step at a time.
Cheryl: “Taking one small step forward today brings you one giant step towards your tomorrow…I live by that…”
Christine: “You get good at what you focus on…like any part of life…love is the same thing, the more you work on something that you aren’t good at or competent in, that’s when your confidence is built…it’s so important to skill
There’s no need to rush into anything but if you are ready to put yourself out there, you’re bound to meet the one.
Allana Pratt: “What I find with my male clients, what they desire more than anything, sure they’re impressed with a woman who’s accomplished, turned on by a woman who’s beautiful but they’re actually moved to claim us and be devoted to us if they can feel our open heart, so that giant step, I encourage people to be open with their vulnerability, cause truly that’s what makes you sexy and irresistible to a conscious man.”
Cheryl: “A lot of men that I have worked with wanna feel safe…it’s important to make men feel safe…”
Christine: “One of the keys to being successful in relationships is to be able to shift into your femininity and hold that within you, for your man; so that when he comes into
As individuals, men or women, we all have insecurities and fears. We are ALL vulnerable and it’s normal. In relationships, it’s important to be able to build each other up and be able to support each other, so that when we fall, we know that there is a safe place to land, that there is a shoulder to lean on and that it’s okay to let your guard down. That’s the only way to really love someone and let LOVE in…
Cheryl: “Vulnerability is very important on both sides, often men think that they shouldn’t show their vulnerability, women are hardening themselves not to show their vulnerability…if we could all let down that cement wall and show each other …cause that’s where the love comes from…who else are you gonna show that to? Who else is gonna put their arm around you when you need that hug or word of encouragement?”
A great relationship starts with the one you have with yourself. It is so important to love yourself first and to own who you are as a person as it really starts from within. You can’t go out into the dating world until you know how to date yourself first. If you don’t know who you are, then ask yourself this “who is that person holding my hand, falling in love with?” Only then, you can have a healthy relationship; one that is balanced on every level.
Wendy Newman: “A question I get asked a lot is how did you finally hit it? How did it work for you? You have your partner now, you’re happy…the answer is, finally I was in front of one where all of the things I needed lined up for him and vice versa, that’s all it takes and really sometimes it’s that simple…the shift that got made, that made all the difference in the world was when I started paying attention to how am I doing with this person instead of how am I doing at attracting this person, there’s a big difference.”
Christine: “As a dating expert…I advise everyone no matter what phase you’re in…to start building your confidence up by going out there and being honest about what you’re looking for and experience it…”
Remember dating should be fun. You should be open to it, open your mind and just let loose, go out there without expectations. Get your feet warmed up, you don’t have to make it complicated or jump into a relationship right away. You also don’t have to jump into bed with everyone you’re dating or getting to know.
Just get to know people, keep conversations light. It will give you a feel for what you like and what you don’t like. What’s important to you, what you can live with or without? Look at dating as “window shopping” for a potential relationship. Its okay to shop around when looking to invest into anything long term so why not when it comes to dating? Before entering a serious relationship, you have to start by dating…
Cheryl: “One of the things we have to do is ASK the questions, which are the most important things in this dating/relationship world…hear the truth and the answers…”
Always stay true to yourself. If you just want to date, then do just that. If you are looking for more, stick to your guns, focus on your goals and don’t waste your time if you feel a person is not suitable for your needs. Remember there’s a difference between dating and a relationship. Stay respectful and be honest, starting with YOU!
Christine: “Treat others how you want to be treated…”
Although times have changed and modern dating has its challenges with all the “online communication”, make sure not to fall into the texting trap or stay stuck behind a screen for too long. Try not to spend hours messaging online; after all, you’re not looking for a pen pal. Try to meet the person you’re exchanging within a reasonable time frame and make sure to meet in a public place to keep it safe! That is if you’re dating online and have no clue who the person behind the screen is!
Alexis Meads: “Too much texting between dates when you haven’t met the person or have met once is not the best…like in old fashion dating, keep some mystery alive, some romance alive when you’re first dating…keep it a little more subtle in communication between dating and go about living your life and enjoy it and look forward to your date…”
Cheryl: “We learn from all our experiences and from our trials and errors and knowing what works, what doesn’t work.”
If you don’t knock on a door, the door won’t open. It’s the same thing when it comes to dating. If you don’t put yourself out there, you won’t meet anyone. Open the door to your heart and let someone walk through.
If you truly want to change your status from single to “in a relationship”, then you have to make that effort. You have to make time for dating. Many clients when we first talk, claim they don’t have time to date but want a relationship. Talk about an oxymoron! Fact is we all have time and make time when we meet the right one. What we are really saying in that statement is we don’t want to waste time, which brings me back to the art of dating smart.
You don’t have to spend hours dating. My first rule is to keep it short and sweet to forty-five minutes for a first date. If you leave the person smiling and craving for more, then plan the second one and take it from there.
So what are you waiting for? Get on it Make love happen in 2018…Do something different, challenge yourself and take the first step to get out of your comfort zone! Don’t live in the fear of flying solo! Make your dating FEAR stand for “face everything and rise”!
If you need any relationship advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me on my 24/7 Loveline: 1-844-744-SOLO and remember to Keep it Simple and Stimulating because we all know it’s all about the KISS.
xo Cheryl 💋