O is for Outercourse

Outercourse is defined as sex that doesn’t involve penetration in to the vagina or the anus.  Some people also include no oral penetration however many discussions about outercourse go on to talk about French kissing which is then a contradiction because the tongue penetrates the mouth in French kissing.

What’s the big deal about outercourse?  For some people, the idea of outercourse arises as a way to remain somewhat chaste and to save oneself for ‘the one’.   Outercourse gives a couple many options to enjoy sexual play without having sexual intercourse, without the girl losing her virginity.

For some people, outercourse is a way to practice birth control.   Since there is no penetration, sperm stays out of the vagina and pregnancy is avoided.  This is not 100% fool proof however.  If a man comes too close to the vagina, it is possible that his sperm will enter the vagina.  If he has strong sperm that swim well, pregnancy can result.  Just because they have to swim further to get into the uterus doesn’t mean they won’t make it there!  It only takes one sperm.

Outercourse can also lower the risk of catching HIV, Hepatitis C, Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea, Syphilis as all of these diseases are caught as a result of fluid exchange.  Herpes and warts are caught by skin to skin contact so outercourse does not help lower the risks of catching these diseases.

Enough of the serious facts about outercourse and on with the sexy facts about outercourse.  Here are 5 outercourse activities for you to enjoy with your partner (s):

Frottage is arousal from rubbing against another person.  This can be ‘dry humping’ where you stay dressed and grind against and into your partner until you come.  In this way, it is fucking with your clothes on.  Incredibly hot!   This can be pressing against one part of your partner (penis pressed into a clothed bum, vulva pressed against a clothed leg, penis or hand for example).  Some people have fetishes for frottage and will press against strangers in crowded places without consent which can be traumatising or just icky.  However, you can have your lover get on a crowded train with you and press into you, using the movement of the train to control the rhythm and increase pressure.  This can be very exciting.

Mutual masturbation:In its purest form, this is when each person masturbates in front of the other but they don’t touch each other.   The excitement of watching your lover heat up and touch herself pushes you on to higher excitement peaks until you both finally come.    Sometimes couples talk to each other, encouraging each other.  Sometimes couples will talk dirty to each other, raising the heat even further.    Mutual masturbation can also involve kissing and holding each other as you each masturbate or sometimes morphs into each of you stroking the other until orgasm is reached.    I have learned a lot by watching lovers masturbate about what works best for them

Play with sex toys: This type of play often strays from outercourse as most people use dildos and vibrators and penetration does occur.  Trying out a wide variety of sex toys is great fun and teaches you both about what kind of sensations are most pleasurable. They definitely improve your sex life!. There are vibrators for clitoral stimulation, ones for penetration, ones that are specially for g spot stimulation, ones for the penis, some that fit in between the penis and vulva and stimulate them both and ones designed for anal play.    Dildos come in all shapes and sizes.     If you are concerned about choosing one that you will enjoy and want some advice, go into a friendly sex shop like Sh! Women's Erotic Emporium in London.  Or Good Vibrations if  you are in San Francisco or The Pleasure Chest in Los Angeles, California and speak to some friendly knowledgeable staff.  Plant to spend some time there looking at things and trying toys out.  Don't forget that there are lots of sex toys for men too!  Check out some reviews at this site that lists their 15 top male sex toys on the market.

Breast and nipple play: Restrict stimulation to the breasts and suck, lick, pinch, stroke and tickle.  Consider trying out some clamps to increase the intensity of the sensations.  This is not restricted to women.  Men’s nipples are often extremely sensitive.

Spend your play time kissing and nibbling.  Restrict yourselves to above the waist and try out as many different kissing styles and techniques as you can think of .  Start with really soft light kisses so that you barely make contact with each other’s lips.  Try kisses with tongues and try kisses without tongues.   There is an art to keeping the tongue out of a kiss.  Try strong intense kisses.  Nibble at your lover’s lips.  Suck on them lightly and then see how it feels to suck strongly.

Do you have some ideas about activities for outercourse?  Drop me a line at loribeth@drloribethbisbey.com.

And tell me about them.  Head over to https://atozofsex.com nd sign up for the newsletter to get extra tips and strategies to spice up your sex life and create a relationship that is exciting and sustainable.