How is EFT Used to Cultivate a Great Sex Life?
Written by Dr. Cari Oneal on Aug 6th, 2021
The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as Tapping, is a highly effective therapeutic tool for the treatment of physical pain and emotional distress. EFT is one of the few modalities known to release negative emotions or beliefs and rewire the brain. For this reason, it has been rapidly gaining popularity and respect.
If you are interested in EFT and how it can improve your sex life, keep reading! In this article, I talk about what EFT is, how it can be used to deliver stunning results in sex & relationships, what to expect in an EFT tapping session, and provide you with additional research if you’re interested in learning more.
How is EFT Used to Cultivate a Great Sex Life?
Imagine what your life might look like if you weren’t held back by trauma, judgment, or unconscious beliefs. You would be free to really do what it is YOU want to do. With EFT, we can uncover the beliefs you have about yourself and your sexuality, ultimately allowing you to overcome them and create the life you dream of.
Need More Information on EFT Before Reading Further?
The science and details of EFT are beyond the scope of this blog post. If you are looking for a bit more context before continuing on, please view the list of exceptional resources provided near the end of this article.
Why is EFT So Powerful When Working With Sex & Relationships?
EFT allows you to re-write your beliefs
As a young child, sexual beliefs get instilled in you. You learn what your parents, teachers, friends, and society say is right and wrong about sex and you behave accordingly. When you start a sexual evolution for yourself, these “norms” get questioned (rightfully so!) and it can be difficult to overcome the narratives that have been ingrained in us since the beginning.
Through the use of Tapping, we can find the beliefs you hold about yourself and your sexuality and rewire the way they impact you. When your neural system allows you to realize you can choose what is best for you, your sexual behaviors become a matter of choice and mastery.
As an example, let’s take someone who was abused as a child. As an adult, they may have the subconscious beliefs that they are unlovable and not a person of much value. Understandably, these beliefs were created in them as a child, likely without their awareness, to make sense of the lack of love and respect they received.
Just those two “little hidden beliefs” can keep them from wanting or striving for big things because they don’t believe this is an option for them. Through EFT, this individual would be able to process their childhood trauma, unravel the limitations that have been created, and gain a new level of self-confidence.
It is far easier to make lasting changes when your beliefs are in alignment with the outcomes you want to create. You CAN have a miraculous, steamy relationship. If that feels out of reach for you cognitively (you just can’t get yourself to believe it), EFT can access your mind, body and emotions and help you see things differently, making “the impossible,” possible.
EFT Saves Time!
The Veterans Administration has been using EFT since 2004 and has found measurable symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, and hypervigilance can be eliminated in as little as 5-10 EFT sessions. Whereas previously with traditional talk therapies and medication, nearly 3 times the sessions were needed for the same measurable results (ACEP p. 85).
3 Examples of how EFT is used when working with sex and relationships
1. Bodily Functions.
Sex is very much a physical expression of your body, however, if the mind takes over the show, your body may not function how you want it to.
- Concerns about getting and keeping an erection.
- Stress about orgasm.
- Worrying about what your partner thinks about what you’re doing rather than being fully engaged in the sex act.
When you get “in your head” you are not in your body. Understandably, this makes it very hard for your body to behave the way you want it to during sexual acts.
Through the Coaching process, we sleuth out belief-behavior connections. Then we use EFT Tapping to get into your neural system and unwind these connections so that you CAN be in your body when you want and need to be rather than stressing about outcomes.
A flashback is an involuntary experience of feeling like a traumatic event from your past is happening in real-time. Sex is powerful on many levels beyond the physical. For this reason, sex can stir up memories and emotions that can really unsettle you. This is especially true if you have a past that includes sexual trauma, abuse, neglect, manipulation, and shame.
While tapping, we process past experiences, the feelings you had, and the beliefs you have created surrounding those events. In doing so, flashbacks become less frequent and eventually stop. This type of processing frees up emotional, mental, and physical energy allowing you to actually be present in the acts you choose to engage in and feel safe doing so.
3. Sexual Beliefs.
People form their sexual beliefs from the beginning of life. Caregivers encourage some body parts to be explored and played with and others we are taught to “never touch.” Some people have the misfortune of having their beliefs hijacked in traumatic events that leave them with the messages, “This is not OK; I’m not safe; or My body is not my own.” Some of these beliefs you may be aware of and there are a whole lot more that you adopted unconsciously along the way that direct how you think and therefore behave as an adult. Some beliefs keep us healthy and safe and some are not helpful, and even harmful.
- Good girls don’t (or shouldn’t) like sex.
- Boys/men only want sex. Sex is dirty.
- Sex is only for men and women.
- If you like sex you’re a slut; if you don’t like sex, you’re a prude (in both cases, the person is wronged).
- If you’ve been sexually assaulted, you are damaged goods, unclean, and of no value.
- If you’re a man and you like your ass played with, you must (or have to be) gay.
I help you uncover what beliefs you hold and find the clarity to decide which are helpful and healthy.
Tapping works to literally rewire the brain. We change neuro-pathways so that you actually want to do the things that are going to improve your life.
What to Expect In An EFT Tapping Session
Similar to acupuncture, EFT seeks to stimulate various systems of your body by tapping on specific points or meridians. Meridians are energetic centers that, when stimulated, can down-regulate the nervous system. Tapping on these meridians provides greater peace of mind, reduction in pain, and a sense of clarity. In a typical EFT session, you will be tapping with your hands on 9 meridian points found in the diagram to the right.
When I work with clients, I relate the process to the children’s game of Simon Says. There are many things going on from my end, but all you must do is follow along. I will tap on a tapping point on my own body while speaking and then you will follow along, tapping the same place and repeating the statements after me. Then I move on to the next tapping point with a statement, you move to that point, repeat the statement, and so on.
Every time you tap on a tapping point while following the process I lead you through, you will be communicating with your brain, body, and emotions. With the aid of tapping, you can acknowledge difficult memories and feelings that were previously too hard to feel or look at. We will tap while we process your memories and feelings. Doing so allows your neural system and mind to re-sort facts, feelings, memories, and beliefs. When your brain has the opportunity to acknowledge all of the aspects of the issue/event/circumstance/beliefs you hold, it has a miraculous way of finding clarity that it could not find on its own. In effect, you “rewire” yourself. You are able to see and feel those same issues/events/circumstances differently and more constructively.
7 Real-World Examples & Research of EFT
1. For PTSD
2. For Rewiring Your Brain
- How to Rewire the Brain with EFT – The Tapping Solution 22 Minute Video
- EFT for Physical, Mental and Emotional Health
3. For Coping Skills
- EFT Tapping for Stress Relief in Classrooms – Tapping Solution Foundation
- EFT with Kids – 1st grade teacher talks about using EFT with students
4. Further Research & Examples
- Library of Scientific Reports: Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology (ACEP) includes tapping as a therapeutic mode for enhanced physical performance in Olympic athletes, wide varieties of trauma, anxiety, shock, PTSD symptoms, depression, unwanted sexual behaviors, psychological conditioning, cognitive changes, shifting biological energies, and more.
5. Dr. Cari Oneal’s Resources:
- EFT Tapping with Dr. Oneal— YOUTUBE PLAYLIST. I have an ever-growing YouTube channel where we talk about all things sex, psychology, and relationships. Please enjoy my playlist of guided EFT videos.
- How EFT (Tapping) Can Help You Achieve Life-Long Sexual Satisfaction— PODCAST EPISODE. Distilled into a single conversation for the FIRST TIME EVER, we discuss the original research of my Ph.D. and the core of my coaching framework.
Want More From Sex & Life but Don’t Know How?
We all hold ideas around sexuality that influence our behavior. Many people come to a point in their lives where they are wishing for more but get stuck, not knowing what they want or how to get it. This is why EFT is so impactful— it gives you the power to own your story and CHOOSE what YOU want to be true for you. EFT allows you to break free from the beliefs that keep you playing small and step into the things that light you up (and turn you on!).
Brain science and EFT Tapping has created opportunities for growth, change and life our grandparents didn’t have. Now is your chance to reclaim the life YOU want to live. Find the courage to improve the relationship you have with yourself and it will change every relationship you are in.