Consent & Playing Safe are a Must in Consensual Non-Monogamy
Thinking of exploring in the Swinger Lifestyle? We discuss topics that are great for first timers surrounding playing safe and the importance of consent. The Lifestyle isn’t just about saying yes, it’s about being educated on how to say no too!
It’s really important that people start out playing safe. I understand that this isn’t the sexiest of topics but it needs to be understood by the community that playing safe is very important. Ensuring you have appropriate STI testing and being knowledgeable about you sexual health is a vital part of the LS. Be prepared to share this with others and be honest about your sexual health.
Engaging in sexual activities with multiple partners as we do in the Swinger Lifestyle will raise your risk for contracting STI’s, but there are plenty of ways to ensure you are playing safe with others!
STI testing in Alberta is free (at least it is for us). If you live in Calgary click HERE for a flowchart on how to get an appointment for FREE STI testing!!! If you live somewhere just Google “free STI testing insert city you live in” and I am sure SOMETHING will come up that can point you in the right direction.
It’s ok to ask any of your sexual partners if they are tested regularly. Don’t feel bad to ask when they were tested last - and be prepared to receive this question too! Communication is vital in the LS and this is a great way to practice! This is also a reason why LS Clubs require ID and in some cases, registration online. If something happens, guests need to be contacted etc.
Don’t forget how important to wrap it up! Seriously use a condom when you play! There are some couples who seek out bare-back play but and some who are fluid-bonded with others …but personally we just don’t want to experiment with that. (read more about fluid bonding HERE)
How often should you get tested? Well, that really depends on how much action you are getting! Some go every 2 weeks, some go every 2 months. You really need to make the call yourself. We go regularly and think it’s important to promote over going rather than undergoing! Make a date night or something out of it. Get tested and go out for dinner as a reward :P
Next to playing safe, consent is amongst the most important topics to discuss not just in the LS - but in everyday life! Consent in the LS is everything. This goes for any sexual activity that happens regardless of who it is with, what situation you are in and what your sexuality is like. No means no and pushy behaviour is never tolerated.
In the LS everyone is used to hearing no, if you aren’t, you should probably come to terms with your ego. No matter who you are, you are not entitled to expect someone to do something with you. A little harsh, I know, but honestly this is tough love and truth here!
On the giving side of things, do not feel it is weird to ask during play if something is ok. I ask ALL THE TIME if things I am doing are ok with the other person. Not in a monotone stern tone (unless that turns them on?), but in a sexier more playful way. I ensure that line of communication and truth is opened and that we are both aware and feel it. It relaxes others and relaxes me too! I know that I am not making the receiver feel awkward or not in control (in a bad way - there are good ways this can happen too!).
Consent needs to happen between couples too. I ask James all the time if things I am doing ok…and vice versa. We have our signs and cues that we can communicate to ensure we are on the same page. Usually he asks me if its ok or gives me a look before entering another woman. I get “dick mesmerized” sometimes so we both know that I may not give a cue! Even if one of goes to the bathroom or leaves, we ask if we can continue playing or if we should wait.
This all goes back to communicating about what you are comfortable with and establishing your rules and boundaries together. Some couples consent to soft swapping, some consent to full and some consent to hall passes. It varies! We have had couples tell us from the first time we met them what they consent to and what they don’t. Don’t be afraid to be forward and honest!
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